Strength for Fear

I know that fear is my enemy. I know that it is not supposed to stand in my way of my fulfilling my purpose in life or reaching my dreams. But at what point is the line drawn between fear and practicality? At what point do you stop being practical and realistic and start being afraid? At what point does the practicality of not borrowing money and getting into debt evolve into the fear of amassing thousands of dollars in loans that will hinder my lifestyle and take years to pay back? I want to go to graduate school. I really do. I'm really not scared of moving off, and I'm definitely not afraid of the work. But let's be honest here, who gets excited about piling up massive amounts of money to finance a higher education? Not me. So what gives here? Maybe I'm being practical. Maybe I'm being afraid. I'm just trying to be practical. So the practical side of me tells me that I need to apply for scholarships, graduate assistantships, teaching assistantships, anything to help finance grad school. But I'm scared to. What if I'm not smart enough to get a scholarship? What if I won't be a good teaching assistant? What if I'm not able to get a grad assistantship? Maybe the fear that I should be battle is the fear of insecurity. I'm afraid of asking and afraid of applying not because I am afraid of grad school, but because I'm afraid of being turned down, rejected, of not being good enough. That's the fear that I have to arm myself against. I am so afraid of someone looking at me and determining that I don't meet the standard. I am afraid. How many times have I said that? Flat out afraid. "Strength for fear." That's what Isaiah 61 says. Trading something worthless for something of great value. Redemption. I'm beginning to understand that redemption is about so much more than forgiveness for sin. Beauty for ashes. Strength for fear. Joy for mourning. Peace. So just what does "strength" look like in this situation? I have a fear of rejection- that much is certain. But how on earth can God exchange that for strength? STRENGTH of all things. Not all the weight lifting and marathon training in the world can change my fear of rejection into strength. This fear that I have makes me not even want to apply to graduate school, not even want to apply for scholarships, not even want to try to be a TA. It renders me so weak that I can't even lift the pen to start on the applications. And I'm supposed to gain STRENGTH? Why not courage? Why not prowess? Why not intelligence? Why not wits? Why STRENGTH? Webster defines strength as "the ability to exert effort for accomplishment of a task." Which is, in this case, exactly what I need: to exchange my fear of rejection for the strength to apply anyway even in the face of the unknown. Even if I am scared, I have to do it anyway. Download the applications. Pick up the pen. Pay for the postage. Send off my hopes and dreams that have been reduced to black ink on white paper to various places around the country. Strength. And then what if I don't get scholarships? What if it does cost me thousands of dollars in loans? What if it's not practical? Then I guess God will exchange that fear for more strength, and the redemption will go on.