{Real Mom Life} Irrational Mama Fears

Apparently Maylin got all her screaming out the night before last because yesterday (after a long morning nap) she was blissfully happy. She cooed, and played on her mat, and smiled all day long. It was a day that I completely enjoyed being a mom.

THEN, last night Maylin slept from 10:00 PM to 5:00 AM without waking up to nurse. That's seven hours, y'all. Seven!! She's never slept that long of a stretch before. I jolted awake at 3:38 AM, listening for her whimper and thinking that it was strange she hadn't called for me yet. Silence. I lay awake for a few minutes watching the red numbers on the clock slowly change, thinking that any second I would hear that little cry...but it never came.

That's when one of my Irrational Mama Fears kicked in. (I've blogged about my Irrational Pregnancy Fears when I was pregnant with Maylin, and my friend Judith did too. Little did I know that those Pregnancy Fears would morph into Mama Fears!) I have several, but one of my main ones is that Maylin will be a victim of SIDS. I'm terrified that I'll find her not breathing in her crib, even though I have strictly followed all the preventative steps since the very hour she was born.

So when those little red numbers turned to 4:00 AM, my sleepy thoughts went from, "I'm so glad I haven't had to get out of my warm bed yet," to "Oh my gosh, what if Maylin is dead??" There really is no happy medium to my thought life. I'm either nonchalant or freaking out. I lack that logical part of the brain that makes people so even-keeled.

I was faced with a choice: I could get up and go check on her to relieve my IMF at the risk of waking her up, OR I could just go back to sleep with the reasoning that she was just tired after playing all day. After debating a few more minutes I decided that I would go back to sleep, that she was probably completely fine, and that I should be grateful for an opportunity to snooze a little longer.

When Michael's alarm went off at 5:00 Maylin woke up, smiling, cooing, and kicking her feet to get free of her swaddle. She was completely fine. We snuggled back in bed while I nursed her, and I thought two things:

1) I am intentionally going to try to rid myself of these Irrational Mama Fears because I don't want to be consumed by them for the rest of Maylin's life. Not that I won't care for her or want the best for her, but I don't want to be debilitated by them. And honestly there will probably always be a part of my mind that is inclined to irrational worry, but "God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgement." I don't have to let my fears control my actions.

 2) It's amazing what a full night of uninterrupted sleep can do to your energy level and attitude! I didn't even need a strong cup of coffee this morning.

Here's to a bright and beautiful day!

Scripture reference: 2 Timothy 1:7 (HCSB)